From Spiderman Costumes to Missed Opportunities: Lessons Regret Taught Me

If I were ever granted wishes from a genie, one of them would be this: to live my life over again—but with all the knowledge and experience I’ve gathered so far. Just imagine the possibilities. Oh, the mistakes I could avoid.

Like the time in kindergarten when I was too afraid to ask my teacher for help untying my plastic Spiderman costume so I could go to the bathroom. That fear didn’t save me twenty minutes later in the play area.

Or all those awkward teenage moments when I couldn’t talk to a girl without forgetting how to speak English entirely. What exactly was I so afraid of?

And here’s one that really stings—I had a shot at buying a three-bedroom condo in San Diego back in 1999 for $111,000. I passed on it. Today, it’s worth over $350,000.

So yeah, I could go on. But the point is, I don’t really relate to people who say they have no regrets. I do. Plenty. But I’ve learned not to let those regrets define me. In fact, I’ve learned how to use them to my advantage.

Not long ago, I found myself on the outside looking in on full-time employment. I’d been planning for over a year to take a course in clinical hypnosis with Dr. Michael Yapko. It was a serious investment. And then, boom—I lost two-thirds of my income.

We were in the middle of a house renovation. My wife had just given birth to our first child. Money was tight. Everything about the situation screamed, “Don’t do it.”

But that’s exactly why I did.

I thought about all the times in my past I had talked myself out of opportunities like this. And I didn’t want to add one more regret to the pile. So I invested in myself.

That decision changed everything. Since completing the training, I’ve helped clients experience real transformation. Like the adolescent client who came to me just after being hospitalized for suicidal threats. After a guided imagery session, they learned healthier coping skills. Two sessions later, we had nothing to talk about—because they were thriving. No medication needed.

Another client—a woman with severe OCD—was trapped in a cycle of compulsive cleaning that was wrecking her marriage and career. One hypnosis session brought immediate relief. Over the next week, she cleaned only twice. That may not be everyone’s outcome, but it’s not rare either.

I share these stories not to boast, but to show how regret, when used wisely, can push us forward. We’re constantly told by marketers that we’re missing out—and they bank on our regrets. So why not use that same emotional force to improve your own life, instead of someone else’s bottom line?

Here’s how:

• Believe it’s possible to change. You’re not stuck. The average Baby Boomer held 11 jobs between the ages of 18 and 46—back when job security was still a thing. Change is not only possible, it’s normal.

• Use regret as fuel. Let it motivate you instead of shame you.

• Focus. Start small and specific. Regret in relationships? Try expressing appreciation for something mundane—like thanking your partner for paying the power bill. Just that. Today.

• Regret not being more social? Start by saying “hi” to coworkers and asking about their weekend.

• Feel disorganized? Put on some music and declutter your office. Toss the easy stuff first.

• Inconsistent exercise habits? Start with your bedtime routine. Seriously. Turn off the TV, put down your phone, get some sleep. Your mornings—and your energy—will change.

I’m not saying it’s easy. But it is doable. You might as well use your regrets for good—after all, someone else already is.

So here’s where you come in:

1. What’s one regret you’ve been avoiding that could actually guide you toward growth?

2. What small, specific action can you take today to begin rewriting that story?

3. Who might benefit from your transformation if you chose to act now?

Your regrets don’t have to hold you back. They can become the very reason you move forward.

Stop the Misery Train: How to Ditch the Pity Party and Actually Feel Better

Remember that time you woke up with a scratchy throat, and by the end of the weekend, you were convinced you were on your deathbed? I do. Just a few years ago, a simple head cold had me spiraling. Sneezing fits, a pounding headache, and the dramatic thought, "I'd rather be dead than deal with this," were my constant companions. Sound familiar?

I was deep in a self-pity vortex, a place many of us have visited. But then, a little voice cut through the drama: "Whatever! You've been lucky – it's been a while. You'll get through this."

And just like that, the clouds parted. Suddenly, I wasn't a victim of a terrible illness; I was a person with a problem to solve. My brain switched gears, and a simple self-care strategy emerged:

• Step #1: Early bedtime whenever humanly possible. (Sleep is magic, even if it's just a little extra.)

• Step #2: Skip the drowsy meds. (Trading a cold for zombie-like grogginess? No thanks.)

• Step #3: Hydrate like a desert flower. (Water is the unsung hero of recovery.)

Honestly, I'm not sure how much these steps sped up my physical recovery, but they were a game-changer for my mental state. They pulled me out of the misery swamp and onto solid ground.

The Allure (and Absurdity) of Making Yourself Miserable

Let's be real, sometimes we're really good at feeling bad. Ever thrown yourself a full-blown pity party? If not, you might be missing out on a strange human experience. But is wallowing in misery actually helpful? Spoiler alert: probably not.

If you're looking to master the art of feeling awful, here's your foolproof guide:

• Hyper-focus on the problem. Chew on it like a sad, stale piece of gum. Let it ferment in your brain until you're nothing but abysmal mush. Maybe even start a blog dedicated to your suffering.

• Dwell on everything you're missing out on. The possibilities for comparison and regret are endless!

• Compare yourself to others. Especially those who, in your opinion, should be suffering just as much as you are (think in-laws, friends with seemingly perfect lives, politicians, celebrities – the list goes on).

• Embrace counterproductive coping mechanisms. Dive headfirst into avoidance strategies like binge-watching questionable TV, self-medicating with that extra glass of wine (or three), or endlessly scrolling through social media, comparing your insides to everyone else's outsides.

• Become a blame-shifting expert. Even if someone is only 0.001% responsible, make sure they carry the full weight of your woes. Externalize everything!

• Pretend the problem doesn't exist. Avoidance makes you look chill and flexible... right up until the moment the ignored issue explodes in your face like a glitter bomb of negativity.

Okay, okay, we can all agree this isn't exactly a recipe for a fulfilling life. But sometimes, shining a light on the absurdity of our negative thought patterns is the first step towards finding a better way. As therapists and problem-solvers often say, our attempts to solve problems can sometimes become the actual problem.

The Real Strategy for Rising Above

Instead of subscribing to the Pity Party Playbook, let's explore a more empowering approach:

• Shift your focus to solutions. Remember my cold? The moment I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started thinking about what I could do, everything changed. That mindset shift alone was incredibly empowering.

• Recognize the skills you're developing. Every challenge, no matter how unpleasant, is an opportunity for growth. Maybe you're building patience, resilience, problem-solving skills, or even just a greater appreciation for your health.

• Learn from those who've been there. Sometimes, the best roadmap forward is paved by those who have navigated similar terrain. Seek out stories and advice from people who have overcome what you're facing.

• Take action, even if it's tiny. Trying new behaviors, improving discipline in small ways, and making consistent, small efforts add up to big changes over time. Don't underestimate the power of baby steps.

• Celebrate progress, no matter how small. Did you manage to get out of bed before noon today? That's a win! Went an hour without checking social media? Celebrate it! Acknowledge your efforts and build momentum.

• Use perspective as your superpower. Imagine your future self looking back at this current struggle. Will it still feel like the end of the world? Probably not. Zoom out and gain some perspective.

Your Turn: Time to Take Action

Let's ditch the misery and embrace a more proactive approach. Consider these questions:

• What challenges are you currently facing, and how can you consciously shift your focus from dwelling on the problem to actively seeking solutions?

• Have you inadvertently been following any of the "Pity Party Playbook" steps? What's one small step you can take today to reverse that pattern?

• What valuable skills are you developing as you navigate your current struggles? Acknowledge your inner strength!

• How can you celebrate even the smallest wins this week to keep your motivation levels up?

Life will inevitably throw curveballs our way. But the choice of how we respond – whether we sink into misery or rise above the challenge – is ultimately ours. Choose wisely. Choose empowerment. Choose to stop the misery train.