The Power of Prioritizing well: How to Master Intense Focus and Excellence

Part 5: When you find yourself excited about something and really passionate, then nothing can take your attention from it very easily. The things you are most interested in claim your most devoted attention, which can look like an obsession or hyper-focus. Here are some thoughts on how to take ownership of what you focus on.

What Is Intense Focus?

It involves something very popular right now in research called grit. What is grit? To me the word doesn't sound very scientific, but it's being researched in depth right now. It has to do with perseverance and—guess what?—grit is not tied to intelligence. So the excuse, "I'm a dummy," is irrelevant.

Grit alone, without focus, won't necessarily accomplish what you really want. According to Angela Lee Duckworth, who is really focused on researching grit:

"Gritty individuals are especially motivated to seek happiness through focused engagement (e.g., the state of flow) and a sense of meaning or purpose, but less motivated than others to pursue happiness through pleasure."

This clicks with my observation that people who thrive have a strong sense of purpose.

How Does One Become Gritty?

We are not entirely sure—there are some smart people trying to uncover that carefully. While they work on that, let me suggest practice. Practice activities designed to improve specific aspects of performance.

From what I have heard, in martial arts, practicing a specific skill or move is a common routine. Routine leads to excellence and helps certain moves become automatic. When I was 14, I spent hours teaching myself to serve in tennis. I wanted to learn to serve so well that the opponent would have little chance to hit the ball back to me, because I was too lazy to practice my backhand. I actually developed a pretty wicked serve, and it masked some of my other deficits.

The Navy SEALs practiced for weeks to perform what took a number of hours to hunt down and kill Bin Laden in his compound. They made a replica of the compound and practiced the scenario over and over before the raid was carried out.

Does that mean you practice being gritty when you practice a skill over and over? I think so. It takes grit to improve on one thing before moving onto the next—it also takes focus.

The Secret Ingredients: Optimism and Contentedness

Would you like to know what seems to help people, kids and adults develop grit and that intense focus? Optimism and a certain level of contentedness.

There is evidence that being optimistic and thinking that personality traits and life skills are malleable over time helps tremendously. In other words, if you believe you can change, you are more likely to change.

I recently read a very depressing blog/tweet entry that expressed something contrary to this: "It's not the pain, but the hope that kills me." Holy crapola! That's a formula for feeling like a total loser.

Duckworth suggests "a growth mindset encourages children to construe failures and setbacks as opportunities to learn and improve, rather than as evidence that they are permanently lacking in ability." Good stuff, right? It also sounds like the antithesis of perfectionism.

How about looking for progress or even excellence rather than perfection? Perfection leads to all-or-nothing thinking, black-and-white thinking, or catastrophizing. Being content is not perfectionism, and it is not complacency. It's a growth mindset combined with savoring the moment, the struggle, and actually being grateful for the challenge!

A Lesson from My Father

My dad had polio. He had a severe limp nearly his entire life. After going through a number of surgeries, he was able to play some sports. In South Africa, where he grew up, tennis was quite popular.

A few times he related a story to me about playing in a tournament against a superior opponent. He said this guy was thrashing him. So my dad decided to focus on getting better during the match and would focus on getting his footwork right and following the ball as he hit it with his racquet. As the match wore on, he noticed his opponent getting frustrated since my dad was enjoying himself because he was getting better, even though he was losing.

A nice ending to that story would be that my dad ended up winning, but I don't remember if that was the case. He taught me an important lesson, however, about being content. Had he been complacent, he would have just put his time in and gotten nothing more from his match. He focused on improving, and that was his real satisfaction—getting better. He was not comparing himself to someone else; he was competing with himself.

You can stop comparing yourself to others and focus on getting better. This is something I admire about marathon runners—I mean the ones who are competing against themselves and are happy to just finish the race. This is something I also appreciate about golf. I heard that the famous Bobby Jones had the philosophy that he wasn't competing against other golfers; he was competing against the course and maybe himself. That is an interesting way to focus with a growth mindset and be content.

(Incidentally, if you are trying to help your kids learn to handle losing, this is a pretty good formula for that. Add appreciation and respect for the opponent's abilities along with a focus on learning to get better, and your kids won't give up as easily and will learn to tolerate frustration and loss, even failure.)

The Focus Challenge

Until you learn to really focus on a task, you just aren't going to get it done very well or in a timely manner. Believe me, I know. Like most of you, I have experienced the frustration of an unfocused day, week, and life, even. I have many interests and struggle to become the master of one thing. Let us change perfection to excellence.

What Can You Be Excellent At?

Go ahead and identify something you want to be excellent at:

• Cleaning the toilet

• Getting homework finished on time

• Accepting compliments

• Washing your hands

• Showing respect to people you interact with every day

• Leaving that stupid phone alone when you are with family!

Find opportunity in failure. Go ahead—pick your own thing to become excellent at.

Pick something you know you have the resources for. Being an excellent billionaire philanthropist might be a little far off today.

Pick something you can build on. Set that budget. Eat a homemade lunch instead of fast food. That might be a good start to more financial freedom and self-control.

What can you be excellent at next? What would you like to be excellent at?

Focus on that like nothing else matters.

Questions for Reflection

Before you dive into your excellence journey, take a moment to honestly consider these questions:

1. What's one area of your life where you've been making excuses instead of putting in the deliberate practice needed to improve? How might shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset change your approach to this challenge?

2. Think about a recent failure or setback you experienced. How could you reframe that experience as valuable data for improvement rather than evidence of your limitations? What specific lesson could you extract from it?

3. If you had to choose just ONE thing to become excellent at over the next 90 days—something that would have a meaningful impact on your life—what would it be, and what would your daily practice routine look like?

Ready to Develop Your Grit?

Excellence isn't built overnight, but it starts with a single decision to focus intensely on what matters most. Your journey toward mastery begins with that first deliberate step.

Take action today: Choose one specific skill or area you want to develop. Write it down. Create a simple daily practice routine. Then commit to showing up consistently for the next week—not because it's easy, but because that's exactly how grit is built.

What will you choose to become excellent at? The time to start is now.

Managing Depression: Small Steps to Build Momentum

Disclaimer: The suggestions in this post are not a substitute for professional therapy. Depression is complex, and managing it often requires multifaceted support. This article offers a starting point based on my approach to handling depression and is not intended to oversimplify the process. Always consult a mental health professional for personalized guidance.

Understanding Depression’s Impact

Depression can be emotionally and physically isolating. It fosters apathy, leading to self-isolation, reduced motivation, and disrupted routines. You might notice:

• Unhealthy habits: Relying on shortcuts for meals, tasks, or work.

• Disrupted appetite: Eating unimaginatively or irregularly.

• Increased screen time: Spending hours on TV, smartphones, or computers with little to show for it.

• Hopelessness: Feeling like life lacks purpose or even questioning its value.

These patterns create a cycle that’s hard to break. However, small, intentional steps can help you regain control and build momentum.

The Power of Starting Small

A helpful principle for managing depression is: “Survey large fields, cultivate small ones.” This means understanding the big picture—like improving your mental health—while focusing on manageable tasks. Even when you’re not depressed, large goals, like cleaning a garage or organizing a home, can feel overwhelming. The key is to start somewhere.

For example, when I renovated my house, the downstairs was a chaotic mess. My wife and I felt stuck until we decided to move the “easy stuff” first. Progress was slow at first, but each step built momentum. Similarly, with depression, taking small actions—like making your bed or going for a short walk—can spark motivation and lift your spirits.

Practical Steps to Build Momentum

Here are actionable strategies to help you start small and cultivate progress:

1. Establish a Routine
   Return to basics that have worked for you or others. Go to bed and wake up at consistent times. Prioritize sleep hygiene:

   • Avoid electronics in bed.

   • Remove TVs from your bedroom.

   • Practice a relaxing bedtime routine (e.g., reading or light stretching).
     If insomnia persists, try breathing exercises or guided relaxation. For clients who struggle with waking up prematurely, I often teach imagery techniques to disrupt negative thought cycles and promote restful sleep.

2. Schedule Physical Activity
   Block out time for a walk or light exercise. Fresh air and movement can boost your mood and energy. Treat this as a non-negotiable priority.

3. Set Small, Achievable Goals
   Create a daily schedule with simple tasks (e.g., drinking water, preparing a healthy meal, or tidying one area). At the end of the day, reflect on what you accomplished. Celebrating small wins builds confidence and motivation.

4. Focus on What You Amplify
   What you focus on grows stronger. Shift your attention to positive actions, no matter how small, to break the cycle of apathy and isolation.

Why Momentum Matters

Each small victory—whether it’s sticking to a bedtime routine or completing a short walk—creates a ripple effect. These actions don’t erase depression overnight, but they help you reclaim control and build resilience. Over time, cultivating small fields leads to meaningful progress.

Take the Next Step

If you’re struggling with depression, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Small steps, combined with professional support, can make a big difference. Want to learn more about managing depression or explore personalized strategies? Contact me for a consultation or check out my previous post on understanding depression’s causes.