Managing Depression: Small Steps to Build Momentum

Disclaimer: The suggestions in this post are not a substitute for professional therapy. Depression is complex, and managing it often requires multifaceted support. This article offers a starting point based on my approach to handling depression and is not intended to oversimplify the process. Always consult a mental health professional for personalized guidance.

Understanding Depression’s Impact

Depression can be emotionally and physically isolating. It fosters apathy, leading to self-isolation, reduced motivation, and disrupted routines. You might notice:

• Unhealthy habits: Relying on shortcuts for meals, tasks, or work.

• Disrupted appetite: Eating unimaginatively or irregularly.

• Increased screen time: Spending hours on TV, smartphones, or computers with little to show for it.

• Hopelessness: Feeling like life lacks purpose or even questioning its value.

These patterns create a cycle that’s hard to break. However, small, intentional steps can help you regain control and build momentum.

The Power of Starting Small

A helpful principle for managing depression is: “Survey large fields, cultivate small ones.” This means understanding the big picture—like improving your mental health—while focusing on manageable tasks. Even when you’re not depressed, large goals, like cleaning a garage or organizing a home, can feel overwhelming. The key is to start somewhere.

For example, when I renovated my house, the downstairs was a chaotic mess. My wife and I felt stuck until we decided to move the “easy stuff” first. Progress was slow at first, but each step built momentum. Similarly, with depression, taking small actions—like making your bed or going for a short walk—can spark motivation and lift your spirits.

Practical Steps to Build Momentum

Here are actionable strategies to help you start small and cultivate progress:

1. Establish a Routine
   Return to basics that have worked for you or others. Go to bed and wake up at consistent times. Prioritize sleep hygiene:

   • Avoid electronics in bed.

   • Remove TVs from your bedroom.

   • Practice a relaxing bedtime routine (e.g., reading or light stretching).
     If insomnia persists, try breathing exercises or guided relaxation. For clients who struggle with waking up prematurely, I often teach imagery techniques to disrupt negative thought cycles and promote restful sleep.

2. Schedule Physical Activity
   Block out time for a walk or light exercise. Fresh air and movement can boost your mood and energy. Treat this as a non-negotiable priority.

3. Set Small, Achievable Goals
   Create a daily schedule with simple tasks (e.g., drinking water, preparing a healthy meal, or tidying one area). At the end of the day, reflect on what you accomplished. Celebrating small wins builds confidence and motivation.

4. Focus on What You Amplify
   What you focus on grows stronger. Shift your attention to positive actions, no matter how small, to break the cycle of apathy and isolation.

Why Momentum Matters

Each small victory—whether it’s sticking to a bedtime routine or completing a short walk—creates a ripple effect. These actions don’t erase depression overnight, but they help you reclaim control and build resilience. Over time, cultivating small fields leads to meaningful progress.

Take the Next Step

If you’re struggling with depression, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Small steps, combined with professional support, can make a big difference. Want to learn more about managing depression or explore personalized strategies? Contact me for a consultation or check out my previous post on understanding depression’s causes.

Power and Control in Relationships: How to Navigate the Unbalanced Dance of Love

Have you ever found yourself chasing someone’s affection, feeling like they hold all the cards? If so, you’re not alone. Power dynamics in relationships can feel like an invisible force, tilting the scales in favor of the person who seems to care less. Let me take you back to my college days at Brigham Young University (BYU), where I learned this lesson the hard way—and discovered how to reclaim my own power without playing games.

A College Kid’s Quest for Love

In my twenties, I was a student at BYU, juggling classes, friendships, and a budding fascination with human behavior. As a Marriage and Family Therapy major, I was captivated by what makes people tick—especially in relationships. Unlike many of my peers, I didn’t feel the cultural pressure at BYU to tie the knot before graduation. I was single, social, and content, enjoying late-night conversations and adventures with friends.

But then, in my senior year, I met her. She was smart, funny, and everything I thought I wanted. The catch? While we were friends, her interest in me didn’t match mine for her. I found myself in a familiar trap: the more I cared, the less control I seemed to have. One night, over a deep conversation with my buddy Jared, we played armchair philosophers, dissecting love and attraction. We stumbled upon a principle that hit hard: In any relationship, the person with less interest holds more power.

It stung. I was tired of feeling powerless, chasing someone who wasn’t chasing me back. But instead of accepting this as an unchangeable truth, I decided to challenge it. What could I do when the scales of interest felt so uneven?

The Power Principle: Truth or Trap?

The idea that the less interested person holds more power isn’t just a college dorm theory—it’s a widely recognized dynamic in psychology. When we’re more invested, we might bend over backward to win someone’s approval, losing sight of our own worth. But here’s the kicker: this dynamic only has power over you if you let it.

So, what are your options when you’re the one who cares more? The knee-jerk reaction is to try harder—be funnier, more attractive, or more available. But that often backfires, leaving you feeling even more powerless. Instead, I learned three practical ways to navigate this imbalance without losing yourself:

1. Shift Your Focus Inward

Instead of obsessing over how to win someone over, invest in yourself. Pursue your passions, build your confidence, and grow into the person you admire. When I stopped fixating on her and started focusing on my own goals—like excelling in my therapy studies and strengthening friendships—I felt more grounded. Ironically, this self-assurance made me more attractive, not just to her but to others.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

It’s tempting to be overly available to someone you like, but that can signal desperation. Respect your own time and energy. If they’re not reciprocating, don’t keep pouring yourself into the relationship. I learned to say “no” to late-night hangouts when I knew they weren’t leading anywhere, and it helped me regain a sense of control.

3. Embrace the Power of Choice

You always have a choice—even when it feels like you don’t. You can choose to stay in a one-sided dynamic, or you can walk away and open yourself to relationships that feel mutual. For me, this meant accepting that my friend might never see me the way I saw her. It wasn’t easy, but letting go freed me to meet people who valued me as much as I valued them.

Reclaiming Your Power in Love

Power in relationships isn’t about manipulation or playing hard to get. It’s about owning your worth and refusing to let someone else’s level of interest define you. Whether you’re navigating a crush, a friendship, or a long-term partnership, these principles can help you find balance and confidence.

Looking back, my BYU experience taught me that love doesn’t have to be a game of power and control. By focusing on my own growth, setting boundaries, and embracing my choices, I found freedom—and eventually, relationships that felt equal and fulfilling.

Ready to Take Control of Your Relationships?

If you’re tired of feeling powerless in love, it’s time to rewrite the script. Start by reflecting on one small step you can take today to reclaim your confidence—whether it’s pursuing a passion, saying “no” to unbalanced dynamics, or opening yourself to new connections.

If you’d like to talk through relationship issues reach out and Schedule a free consultation with me to see how we can work together on your relationships.